Ending Well: Your Questions, part 1
As you know, the end of my 15-year ministry at UUFNW is too-rapidly approaching. And it’s hard to think about, for me at least. With the end of my ministry comes a necessary change in how we relate to one another—and some pretty strict boundaries that have to be developed and maintained. Thankfully, one of the things I appreciate most about UUFNW is that you have shown on multiple occasions a willingness to adhere to good boundaries and healthy relationship practices. Once again, I will give you my trust as we take this step into the next chapters of our lives.
I’m guessing you have a lot of questions about this. I hope you will send those questions to me (revmichaeltino@gmail.com). It is important to me that we end this well—and I know that anxiety around change doesn’t make it easy for me to always act in ways that reflect my highest values. The best way to address that is directly, with the love and compassion we have shared for 15 years.
Yours,
Rev. Michael
Here are answers to some of the questions I’ve already heard. Look for more questions and answers in future newsletters.
What’s the deal with July?
My last worship service at UUFNW will be June 19, but my last day as the minister of the congregation is July 31. Part of that time will be spent at UUA General Assembly, and part of it will be vacation, but most of it will be study leave during which I will be available for appointments, conversations, meeting outdoors for coffee or lunch, and other ways we want to honor each other and this big change. Specifically, I will be available and in town July 17-29. We will have a party on July 23 (outdoors if need be).
A friend told me that their minister unfriended everyone on Facebook when they left. Is that coming?
No, at least not if we can all maintain healthy boundaries and distance. As I’ve said any number of times, the relationships we’ve built over the past 15 years are real. And once I am not your minister anymore, it is important that we adapt our behaviors accordingly. You need to welcome your new minister. I need to tend to the congregation I will be serving. It is very important that I am not acting like your minister on Facebook anymore. That doesn’t mean we can’t see each other’s gardens or life updates. Please know that for at least a year, I will not comment on or like any of your posts—this is nothing personal. But if you want to, we can stay connected. And if you unfriend me, I will not take it personally either.
Are you retiring?
I will not be serving another local congregation in the near future, but I am not retiring from ministry. I will continue to serve half-time as co-lead minister of the Church of the Larger Fellowship. The rest of my time will be devoted to volunteer service, parenting, and caring for my own health.
I’m guessing you have a lot of questions about this. I hope you will send those questions to me (revmichaeltino@gmail.com). It is important to me that we end this well—and I know that anxiety around change doesn’t make it easy for me to always act in ways that reflect my highest values. The best way to address that is directly, with the love and compassion we have shared for 15 years.
Yours,
Rev. Michael
Here are answers to some of the questions I’ve already heard. Look for more questions and answers in future newsletters.
What’s the deal with July?
My last worship service at UUFNW will be June 19, but my last day as the minister of the congregation is July 31. Part of that time will be spent at UUA General Assembly, and part of it will be vacation, but most of it will be study leave during which I will be available for appointments, conversations, meeting outdoors for coffee or lunch, and other ways we want to honor each other and this big change. Specifically, I will be available and in town July 17-29. We will have a party on July 23 (outdoors if need be).
A friend told me that their minister unfriended everyone on Facebook when they left. Is that coming?
No, at least not if we can all maintain healthy boundaries and distance. As I’ve said any number of times, the relationships we’ve built over the past 15 years are real. And once I am not your minister anymore, it is important that we adapt our behaviors accordingly. You need to welcome your new minister. I need to tend to the congregation I will be serving. It is very important that I am not acting like your minister on Facebook anymore. That doesn’t mean we can’t see each other’s gardens or life updates. Please know that for at least a year, I will not comment on or like any of your posts—this is nothing personal. But if you want to, we can stay connected. And if you unfriend me, I will not take it personally either.
Are you retiring?
I will not be serving another local congregation in the near future, but I am not retiring from ministry. I will continue to serve half-time as co-lead minister of the Church of the Larger Fellowship. The rest of my time will be devoted to volunteer service, parenting, and caring for my own health.
Ending Well: Your Questions, part 2
People have asked me such good questions about the boundaries we are forming as I leave your ministry. Keep them coming!
Yours,
Rev. Michael
What happens when we have questions about the things you used to do regularly around the Fellowship?
Never fear, we will have a procedure for that! We know that after 15 years a lot of stuff lives in my head—and we won’t know what doesn’t live anywhere else until my head is gone from the Fellowship. As we work out the details of such a procedure, know that whoever your Board President is next year will be able to get me those questions and get you the answers relatively quickly.
Can’t we just come to CLF worship if we really miss you?
The short answer is that you really shouldn’t ask me that. The longer answer is that after I leave, UUFNW will need you to focus on moving our Fellowship into the future. UUFNW will need to you form a relationship with your new minister. Because of this, if you did ask me, I’d say no, but the truth is I can’t stop you. So this is one of those situations where we need to have mutual respect for the boundaries that need to be in place because if we don’t respect them, they don’t exist.
Who makes these rules, anyway?
Unitarian Universalist ministers are accountable to two bodies for our ethical standards and professional practices—the UUA (through the Ministerial Fellowship Committee) and the UU Minister’s Association (UUMA). The boundaries we are setting will help me act in ways that are in keeping with the professional standards set by these bodies, and keep me in right relationship with my colleagues.
Will our Zoom worship link be the same?
As you may have heard, back when the pandemic started and we thought we’d be on Zoom a few weeks, I created the Worship Room in my personal Zoom account. At the time, UUFNW didn’t have a separate account. I’ll be working with Zoom to transfer that room and ensure seamless Zoom worship, but please know that the link on the website will always be up to date.
Yours,
Rev. Michael
What happens when we have questions about the things you used to do regularly around the Fellowship?
Never fear, we will have a procedure for that! We know that after 15 years a lot of stuff lives in my head—and we won’t know what doesn’t live anywhere else until my head is gone from the Fellowship. As we work out the details of such a procedure, know that whoever your Board President is next year will be able to get me those questions and get you the answers relatively quickly.
Can’t we just come to CLF worship if we really miss you?
The short answer is that you really shouldn’t ask me that. The longer answer is that after I leave, UUFNW will need you to focus on moving our Fellowship into the future. UUFNW will need to you form a relationship with your new minister. Because of this, if you did ask me, I’d say no, but the truth is I can’t stop you. So this is one of those situations where we need to have mutual respect for the boundaries that need to be in place because if we don’t respect them, they don’t exist.
Who makes these rules, anyway?
Unitarian Universalist ministers are accountable to two bodies for our ethical standards and professional practices—the UUA (through the Ministerial Fellowship Committee) and the UU Minister’s Association (UUMA). The boundaries we are setting will help me act in ways that are in keeping with the professional standards set by these bodies, and keep me in right relationship with my colleagues.
Will our Zoom worship link be the same?
As you may have heard, back when the pandemic started and we thought we’d be on Zoom a few weeks, I created the Worship Room in my personal Zoom account. At the time, UUFNW didn’t have a separate account. I’ll be working with Zoom to transfer that room and ensure seamless Zoom worship, but please know that the link on the website will always be up to date.